River Meets Torchwood
by Sci5Vax
Summary: River finally meets Torchwood and gets cuffed to a bed. " You, me, handcuffs. Must it always end this way? " Of course, the Doctor will always be there to save his wife. ONE-SHOT


**Thank you to - authorlouise - for letting me use her idea for the beginning. I did ask for her permission so don't say I stole it.**

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"Professor River Song," a cold voice rang. "You've heard of me. I'm flattered," River smirked despite the guns being pointed at her head. "Don't be. You killed the Doctor, of course I've heard of you," a man wearing a military coat hissed. "Yes, the death of a good man will be heard of won't it? My, you're rather informed. Military coat, good looks. I'd say you're Captain Jack Harkness, am I right?" River asked flirtatiously. "Well would you look at that? I know you, you know me. And now, we're going to shoot you. Now!" Jack shouted and River felt something hit her neck. She touched her neck and felt something sticking out. She pulled it out and observed it. "Well, crap.." River muttered before she fell asleep and collapsed.

When she woke up, she was tied to the bed with handcuffs and her legs were strapped down. She sighed to herself. She had let her guard down and paid the price. "Is the little sunshine awake? Seriously, your hair is like sun rays," Jack shook his head. "Why am I not dead?" River asked, pulling on her handcuffs and straps. "Are you complaining about being alive?" Jack asked. "Because I can change that. You committed the biggest crime in the universe," he continued. "Hmm, yes. I guess I did," River sighed. "How's prison?" Jack asked, being snide. "I was on the first week of 5 consecutive life sentences, kind of early to say," River smirked and quirked an eyebrow. "I can't help but find this on your wrist," Jack held up her vortex manipulator. "Did you use this to kill the Doctor? Zapped into space and murder him?" Jack hissed. "No, now give it back," River glared at Jack. "Won't do you any good since you're strapped down," Jack retorted.

"I've confiscated this, too," Jack took out a TARDIS blue book. River straightened herself. "Don't open that book," River warned. "Why not? Interesting book, this is. TARDIS blue," Jack said. "Spoilers," River said, lacking her usual flirting tone. Jack looked at her curiously."Look, just let me go and we can forget this ever happened. You wouldn't want my husband to find out. Really, you don't," River continued. "And who _is_ your husband?" Jack smirked. "Another murderer? Did you marry in Stormcage?" Then, they heard a very distinct sound. One they both knew very well. "Too late," River smiled softly.

A blue police box materialised in the room. Jack waited anxiously for the Doctor to come out of the door. Just then, the door opened and a rather young looking man stepped out. He wore a tweed jacket and a bowtie. On his head sat a bright red fez, the same shade as his bowtie. Seeing River, he closed the door and smiled flirtatiously. "Hi, Honey. I'm home," he flirted, spreading out his hands. "And what sort of time do you call this?" River flirted back. "Convenient, I would say judging by your predicament," he said before finally noticing Jack. "Jack! Hi there mate!" he yelled and hugged Jack. "Doctor?" Jack asked. "That's me! Do you mind letting River go? I don't like seeing my wife tied up. I mean who does, right?" the Doctor said cheerfully. "Hang on. You married your murderer?" Jack looked at him incredulously. "Long story, but yeah," the Doctor shrugged still smiling. Jack shook his head before releasing River's handcuffs and straps. "That's much better. Must it always involve handcuffs, Doctor?" River smirked and stood. "Well, it makes things more interesting doesn't it?" the Doctor responded. River hummed. "I suppose it _does_," she said and waggled her eyebrows at her husband. The Doctor's face, as River predicted turned beet red.

"River, stop that," the Doctor scolded her, embarrassed. "Why? We're married anyway," River walked over to the Doctor. "And since you were late," River muttered and kissed the Doctor straight on the lips. Pulling back, she said "Hello, Sweetie." "River, we are in the presence of someone else," the Doctor whispered glancing at Jack. "Don't mind me. I'm just enjoying the show," Jack smiled. "I think you two should introduce yourselves since you didn't get off on the right foot," the Doctor suggested, trying to redirect their attention. "Professor River Song, archaeologist," River introduced herself. "Captain Jack Harkness. Sorry about, well. You know," Jack said. "No problem. Getting to look at you is compensation enough," River laughed.

Then, everyone from Torchwood Three burst into the room. "Jack, is everything alright? I heard..." Gwen trailed off. "How did they get in here?" Owen asked. "And why is she uncuffed?," Ianto continued for them. Ianto placed his hand on his gun at his belt. "Its alright guys. Just a bit of a misunderstanding," Jack said and everybody relaxed. "Hello, everyone. Blimey, you've been busy," the Doctor said looking at their new company. "Who's that?" Gwen asked. "Hello, I'm the Doctor," the Doctor laughed. "What's that on his head?" Owen asked. "Its a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool," the Doctor told them seriously. "Not this again..." River muttered under her breath before grabbing it and throwing it across the room. "Oi! I just got that 20 minutes ago!" the Doctor whined. "No fezzes," River adamantly stated. "Back to the point, you squabbling couple," Jack smirked. The Doctor coughed.

"Right. As I was saying, I'm the doctor. Nice to meet you all," he grinned and shook all their hands. "You mean this is..." Ianto looked at Jack who nodded. "Thought he'd be older with all the stories you tell us about him," Owen said which earned an incredulous look from the Doctor. "I'll have you know I'm over 900 years old, thank you very much," he huffed. "900? You look about nine," Gwen answered and scrutinized the Doctor. The Doctor groaned. "Its okay, dear. I still love you," River kissed him on the cheek and the Doctor blushed yet again. "Right! We are going Space Vegas. I've been waiting to take someone for ages. Amy and Rory didn't want to go, so... I'll have to take you lot. Want to come?" the Doctor asked. "We can't. We have to monitor the rift," Ianto said. "Shut up, Ianto. It's a spaceship. It can take you and bring you back in 5 minutes," Jack told them. "Well, who wouldn't want to travel in time and space in a blue police box. I'm sure there's lots of space in there," Gwen muttered sarcastically. Jack, River and the Doctor shot her a disbelieving look. "What? I'm just saying. It's a police box. We can't _all _fit in there. The Doctor smiled. He clicked his fingers and the doors opened a crack.

"Want to find out how?" the Doctor asked. "Learnt a new trick, did you?" Jack asked. The alien shrugged. "Get in, all of you," Jack said and entered. "Are you out of you mind!?" Owen yelled. "No need to yell, we're right here," River muttered and followed Jack. "Go on," the Doctor encouraged them. One by one, they all entered the TARDIS and the door closed automatically behind them. "Woah!" Owen muttered. All three of them had the picture of amazement on their faces. "Its..." Ianto started. "Bigger on the inside," everyone finished. The Doctor laughed. He bounded the console and started pressing buttons and River rolled her eyes, fixing everything that her husband did wrong. "River, don't touch anything," the Doctor pouted. "And let us crash? Not a chance, Sweetie. Even I won't forgive you for that," River said. "You are so his wife," Jack smiled.

"Space Vegas. Ha ha! GERONIMO!" the Doctor shouted enthusiastically as he pulled the lever, throwing the TARDIS into the time vortex.

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**Done! I hope you guys liked it. Oh, and I didn't forget Toshiko. I intentionally left her out. Poor Toshiko, forever alone! XD Anyway, reviews please, but not too harsh, thank you.**


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